i decided to use this blog for venting on. since, yeah, i pretty much can't be bothered about the background. and i'm getting really tensed up easily.i guess it's inner conflict. i'm getting pissed at myself. i think.. so i think that i'm at fault for not doing this and not doing that. but i also think she's at fault for not making an initiative to do anything either!in any relationship,it takes mutual parties to make it work. it really doesn't mean that it only applies to BG relationships.even friendship and kinship applies ok!and the truth is, i'm sick and tired of keeping a smile when i really want to scream my head off. and honestly, i can no longer say that i'm a straight-forward person since i'm suppressing everything i actually want to say just cause i don't want to hurt her feelings. then it makes me feel like an idiot. cause i'm actually suppressing whatever i want to say just so that she won't get hurt! BLOODY HELL!! this so isn't such a good time to have any type of conflict. not before O's. it's totally affecting my mood. forget it. i'm not going to care about this matter anymore. at least i know that she's hardly comforted me in times of trouble cause she's the type that hides everything to herself. sometimes i really feel like an idiot. well, i'd just like to say that i'm an idiot at handling such things sometimes but i'm not to the state of being a bitch. so i hope that you haven't judged me without even know how i feel about this matter.wait, have you ever known how i felt? sometimes i just need someone to hear me out. so all you have to do is hear me out!and you really need to change your mindset on things cause when there's a situation, you're always thinking that you're the victim. or at least i haven't once seen you shown signs of thinking for others first. WAKE UP! the world doesn't revolve around you and it never will! sometimes you have to just give in and stop being shallow. one day, maybe i'll tell you who you are. or maybe i'll let you learn about it yourself. Ps: your definition of hatred is definitely nowhere close to the world's. you should start counting yourself fortunate cause you saying you hate ______, makes the a lot of people feel like mourning.

I'm having free period now! stupid la.i owe teachers so much work, i can't even figure out where i should start! many things have been happening recently, and i guess that it really changed my thinking.I can seriously look at myself and say,"hey, who care's about the old me? It's about now.what are you doing NOW?'(ok. i'm guilty for blogging instead of doing work.). Exciting week ahead!saturday, there'll be BBQ at grandma's. I can't wait for tuesday! Obviously not cause of listening comprehension. My brother's gonna be coming back from Australia!Although that also means that i have to pack up and move next door to my sister's room...
I'm kind of glad that my computer crashed. Although out of 5 free periods, i do spend 4 using the computer, i realised that i tend to open my books when i go home. I feel like as if it's God's way of saying," It's high time you started making friends with your books.."
'If there's a will, there's a way'not that i have a will, but God gave me a way. Recently, i've been able to know alot about God's unconditional love thanks to a group of nice people...what should i call them? the worship group!Since there hasn't been chapel, this group of people really helped me to realise that God is always with us. At least when i start to doubt myself, God will always be there to give me a light tap, to let me know myself and him better=)
That's all! i neeed to do physics. and i think that i'm gonna change blog skin soon..

Haven't blogged in such a long time.Recently all the happenings around me have really changed me. I feel like as if i can't do it anymore. All that expectation. Sometimes i feel like asking myself,who am i? Everyone expects me to do something at a specific time.How do they see me as predictable while i myself can't know me?I can't believe i found it hard just describing myself with 3 words in the testimonial thingy. It made me realise how much i didn't know myself.i don't see any reason to smile anymore.It feels odd when you get woken up to realise how you hate yourself so much or even the world around you.You find yourself asking,"Where did you go?".Maybe it was all an act to run from reality afterall.But when reality hits you hard on your head,you realise that the grass was never greener on this side, if there was any to begin with. It's like standing on barren land and waiting for crops to grow.Waiting.Waiting.Waiting.
I don't see myself laughing much nowadays. Maybe i was never happy to begin with.Everyday, i wake up to tell myself,"Hey,Wake up.Just remember that you suck ok?Or at least most of the people will tell you, one way or another."It's come to the point where i'm getting super paranoid about what people think of me.Now, I'm so scared that if i hear another comment about me,I might just lose it.
I can say how much i don't care about how people view me, but the truth is,I do.And just by this fact i can tell that nobody knows me well enough to stop criticizing me.Their excuse:I'm straightforward.I'm just used to doing so.Well,Wake up. Cause i've been there and done that.At the end of the day, the predator will turn prey. And it'll haunt you into realising what a piece of shit you are.

GAHH.. I can't be bothered to do anything about my blogskin.. it's annoying me how i keep getting extra underlines when i touch the template..oh well.. i'll just leave it as it is...

Gahh.. i've been slacking and PMS-ing throughout this whole month. Like, REALLY BADLY. I think i almost scolded my mum for asking me what lunch i want.It's the leave-me-alone-or-die phase.Totally guilty for not doing work either.I think yesterday really pissed me off.I woke up at 7.30am to go to school for Past vs. Present. My sis and her friend wanted to get to her friend's house to put down the stuff first(some party decorations.there were so many things it looked like they were going for some 5-day trip) so my mum dropped me off at school first since we were already kind of late.Went to the sports complex and met up with Min Feng, Noelle and Sophia. Diane and Melody were there too=)
The games kind of started and we were watching some people play basketball when Mrs Kuan suddenly dragged Min Feng and I off the bench and insisted that we joined the netball team players to play against the past girls.The only thing that was going through my head was," yeah. thanks.second day of my period. like as if i'll give my all" so i kind of just walked here and there. Lol.. Lost pretty badly.. Then we kind of sneaked off.. played a little bid of basketball and badminton. Sheesh. Those past girls who claim that they're more than twice our age were scary. The way they blocked us kind of freaked us out. They'll stick to you like magnets and no matter how you turn you can't seem to get them off you( it's almost bringing you into an embrace.eww.)After half of the time, I kind of concluded that my sister wasn't going to come. After the whole thing Min Feng didn't feel like studying anymore so i decided to go back to class.Melody came back to class to study too!But we got too distracted by my Ipod. Thank you so much melody! Like as if you read this...i finally know how to put videos in my Ipod!
Went back home after that.Yeah. That's about all i remember.. i don't even remember what i ate for dinner. How sad is that..hmm.. did i even eat dinner...

Sometimes i really hate myself.
I think back about the old me, and wonder what happened to her.
I wonder,why can't i be who i want to be?Why do i do things that make myself feel ever so upset.
I start to worry if i've got feelings.Cause everyone else around me don't seem to have any.
Immaturity,some say.Never sparing a thought about how the other party feels.
I always try not to turn back.But i am.I'm living in the past.I'm hating myself.
Frustrations rise from the slightest bit of hatred.And i wonder,when I'll erupt.When I'll break down and cry.When there'll be no smile on my face no matter how hard i try.

Gahhhh... this week was boring... i've wasted so much time.. let's see... doing nothing..=D
Haven't really done much work too... gahh and it's sunday?!
YAY!!!! More 4 SoMeThInG tomorrow for me!!
Yeah. obviously i've gone mentally weird... yeah.just weird.I'm getting sick of the blogskin again! Maybe i should just get this whole blog black or something....
Thursday was fun! Went to eat at ________( shucks. i forgot the name again!!! I always do...
Let's see... Umm.. I was the latest!! I think i broke the record! i'm usually not the latest!But i was super late that day.. I was Sms-ing Cassandra and i didn't know that she arrived already and when Stella called me she said."Clarissa! Which stop are you at?"
and i just said"Uh.. Toa Payoh..." really softly cause the mrt was really crowded..
'HUH???'
'Toa Payoh'a little louder.
'what?'
'TOA PAYOH!!!'
then everyone turned at looked at me.felt like burying my head into the phone or something..
ahhhahhaha.. yeah. so funny. gahhh.. i hate blogging.. and yet i still do it-.- i should so delete this blog.

List of wants=D

Click five concert tickets! :D

PSP PS3 the return of the cuckoo vcd Anastasia vcd Parent Trap vcd Adidas Watch Braces More Books=D guitar lessons a trip to Taiwan TIME

Clarissa Loo
turning 16
080592
frozen_freezer@hotmail.com
netball!!!
lives in a zoo
yellow,green,white
thinks that:wearing underwear outside like superman,is the new trend
can't live without my _______=D
is having an open war against:fats
I hate that PERSON!!